E.Y.E. Day 1/2

I spent the days leading up to our departure for E.Y.E. 2011 explaining to friends and family members where I was going and why. It was funny to me how many people told me not to worry, that I would have fun, and that they would pray for me. I'm not sure why it was funny per-ce, just knew that it was.

I arrived in Ellicott City, MD to catch the bus at 11:30am yesterday. We left a little after Noon and drove to Hermitage, PA. We arrived there shortly after 5pm an hour early, and waited for the other two buses. The plan was for all of Province III to meet in Hermitage and drive together to E.Y.E. Bus number 2 was on time-ish arriving shortly after 6pm, and bus 3 was very late arriving around 7:30pm.

We ate dinner in shifts, waited on the buses to refuel and get new drivers, sorted out who was riding where (the people from Pittsburgh and North Western PA met us at the church in Hermitage along with a 15 passenger van missing the back seat-it was determined that we would have chaperones only in the van and let the kids ride on the buses), and finally departed shortly after 9pm.

From Hermitage we drove up into Ohio where we stopped briefly after midnight, and then to Portage, Indiana to switch drivers at a hotel after 3:30am. We passed through downtown Chicago a little after 5am, which is when the van lost the buses. Turned out it was ok as we had to make a bathroom/gas stop just inside of Wisconsin around 6am.

Just outside of Madison we stopped and had breakfast; at which point our van caught up with the buses again. We arrived at the Mall of America between 11:30am and Noon. We were given until 3pm to wander the mall and eat lunch; I still didn't see all of it.

We made it across the river to Bethel University by 3:35pm and after some brief confusion managed to check in, go to our dorm, hear the welcome speech, and find our rooms by 4:30pm. We were all eagerly anticipating taking a shower before dinner only to learn that dinner was at 5pm and adults could only shower from 5:30-6:30am or 4-5pm. I was determined to make it so I quickly yanked what I needed out of my suitcase, dashing into the bathroom, and took the fastest shower possible.

Since I gave up on sleep after barely managing to get an hour's worth between 10:30 and 11:30pm I headed to dinner with plans to take a nap between dinner and the 8pm Adult Leader Orientation. I managed an hour which helped me make it through the adult meeting and the dorm meeting before crashing for the night

I did manage to read an entire book between Midnight and breakfast on my Kindle though, so the van ride wasn't a complete wash-out.

Letter from Commission on Ministry

I know it has been awhile since I last posted, but I've spent the time working, reflecting, and processing. I finally received an electronic copy of the letter I was supposed to receive in hard copy a few weeks ago. I will paste it below for you all to read. It is not nearly as in depth as I had expected but that is the way things go sometimes. I am getting ready to head to Minnesota next week as a chaperone for the Diocese of Maryland Delegation to E.Y.E. '11. I'm pretty pumped to experience E.Y.E. from another point of view and see what sort of insights I develop. I want to try to write at least one blog post a day from my journey, but I don't know what the internet situation will be so if nothing else I will back post all the entries when I return to Maryland. And now without further ado I give the letter:

May 18, 2011

Dear Kassia,

Thank you so much for your openness and eagerness to discern how God is calling you to use your gifts and experiences to serve God’s people.  We especially thank you for doing so in the unique younger vocations process designed for 2011.  This letter, including the recommendation, is a follow-up to our earlier phone conversation following the April interviews.

At this time the COM could not affirm that seminary in the fall of 2011 was the most appropriate next step in your discernment.  We do affirm, however, your continued discernment regarding ministry in general and ordained ministry in particular.  We recommend that your next steps of discernment would include the Diocese of Maryland’s Discerning Ordained Vocation (DOV) program, through which you would meet monthly with a cohort of other aspirants and experience an internship in a parish other than St. James.  You may submit an application for this program, downloadable from the Diocesan website, to Dawn Kline at the Diocesan Center.

The following is the recommendation from the COM from your interview report:  We believe Kassia is not yet ready to test her vocation by going to seminary.  She needs experiences in the wider church and experience of the wider needs the church addresses.  We recommend that she enter the regular DOV program in the Fall 2011 intake, and continue exploring her vocation.  Within the DOV program, we recommend that her internship be in a faith community very different from those she has been part of in recent years.  If she can fit in an additional volunteer experience on top of work and the DOV internship, so much the better:  the aim is for her to experience a variety of worshiping communities and a variety of social ministries, before returning for another interview in the spring of 2012.     

I believe engaging this diocesan program would be a fruitful time of discernment for you within the larger church, and would give you an opportunity to engage in ministry alongside people of more diverse ages and experiences.

Blessings,

COM Chair

A Poem

Approximately 7 years ago I was at a lock-in and I wrote a poem I would like to share with you. For me it is the foundation of my faith and represents what Good Friday means to me. It is titled "My Love"

I cry
Because I understand
I understand
That I sinned
I understand
That I killed you
I understand
That you love me
Your love
Will one day save me
One day I will know
I will see your face
I will stand beside you
One day
I will show you
My love is in my tears

My Discernment

I wanted you to hear it from me first. After meeting with the COM Saturday I have been informed that they don't think I am ready for seminary this fall. They want me to begin the DOV program in August, leading to me applying for postulancy and seminary in fall 2012. I will post more details as they come to me, and I thank you for your continued support and prayers. I'm in a very confused and disappointed place right now, but I'm praying that it will all make sense soon.

Meetings and Conversations

This morning I woke up at 6:45 am. Why, you ask, was I awake so early on a Saturday that I didn’t have to work? I had to be in Baltimore by 9:00 am, to meet with members of the Commission on Ministry (COM) and the Bishop. I was the first of the aspirants to arrive, but the other three joined me shortly followed by the members of the COM.

We headed downstairs to start the morning with a Morning Prayer service and then we received our schedules for the morning/mid-day. I glanced at my copy to see where I would be first and inwardly gasped. I was to be the first of the group to meet with the Bishop. Our Bishop is a man that I greatly admire and strongly believe is one of the greatest leaders our Diocese has seen in years. I have chatted with him once before and found him to be attentive and open and honest, so naturally I was a moderate amount terrified at being the first person he spoke with this morning. However, as we were leaving the nave of the Cathedral I found my glance drawn to the simple cross hanging over the altar. I looked at that cross and a sense of calm overcame me as I prayed that God would grant me the strength of Moses and David.

The Bishop took me upstairs and after taking a moment to get set up he led me into his office. I sat on the couch and we began with a moment of silence followed by a prayer, and an unbelievably meaningful conversation. He shared a few things with me that I will share with you as well.

The first and most striking is a concept I find inexpressibly fascinating, though we didn’t discuss it for terribly long. God doesn’t control everything. It’s not a matter of Him not being able to but rather He chooses not to. Can you imagine how exhausting it would be if you were the one holding the puppet strings to every living thing on the planet? It would be unbelievably tiresome and time consuming. Instead the Bishop shared with me that he believes God allows life to take its course, knowing that we can work most things out on our own. However, he believes that God makes things happen. When something tragic happens in the world, when we are met with an obstacle that knocks us so far down we can’t see the sky, God steps in and says lets pick you up and put you back on your feet. It must have been one of the most profoundly brief discussions I’ve ever had in my entire life.

We talked of course about me and my experiences and what I saw happening with my life, which I expected. He shared his excitement for the process and his concerns about financing that my discernment committee and I had expressed. He was seemingly impressed with my grounded expectations and willingness to consider lay ministry if ordained ministry doesn’t pan out. However, he truly wants to see that the diocese is ordaining young people because at some point we will need people with 25-30+ years of experience to lead the Church. All in all it was a pleasant and positive conversation that I truly enjoyed.

I between having us meet with the Bishop and a group of COM members we spent time in pairs chatting with an individual member of the COM. It was a more informal conversation where we chatted about everything from Magic Meatballs, to Seminary experiences, from French films, to which language to take Greek or Hebrew. The two ladies I chatted with, after talking with the Bishop and before meeting with the COM, were so nice, and really wanted to answer any and all questions we might have. It was a lot of fun.

I was the last person to meet with the members of the COM and it was a little bit nerve wracking. After I talked a bit about who I was and how I had come to be there, it went something like this: someone asked me a question, I answered, long pause, someone else asked me a question, I answered, long pause, etc. for about 40 minutes. It was different from my meeting with the Bishop in that it felt more like an interview while the Bishop meeting felt more like a discussion/conversation. That was probably the point but I must say I preferred the one to the other.

After I finished with the COM members we concluded the day with a Mid-Day Prayer service and the aspirants were allowed to leave while the COM members stayed to discuss all that had transpired on behalf of the full COM. We were told to expect a phone call sometime this weekend or early this week to let us know where we stand; which is good because there was some speculation that we might have to wait two weeks until the full COM met!

It was a long morning but I was grateful I had my discernment rock! I found it to be particularly comforting while meeting with the members of the COM. I plan to lay it at the foot of the cross one day this week at Church. I do ask for your prayers this weekend/week as I await word from the COM.

My Discernment Rock

At the start of Lent the Rector of our church put out a basket of stones in the Narthex and encouraged us to take one and carry it around with us during Lent-the idea being that on Good Friday you come and lay your stone at the foot of the cross. I didn't think too much of it at the time, and so I didn't get a stone or think about the stones until last Sunday. See where I'm going with this don't you?

I arrived early for my first discernment committee meeting and since no one else was there I was sort of meandering about in the Narthex waiting for others to arrive. I came across the basket of stones and looking through them pulled out one that fit into the palm of my hand but not quite comfortably since its sort of triangular in shape. I hadn't planned on keeping it, put I never got around to putting it back.

All through the meeting I clung to that stone. I didn't really think terribly much about it per se it just was there and I like to think it was absorbing all of my worries and fears and thoughts and prayers. I got into the car to head home and realized that I still had the stone in my hand. And so it became my Lenten rock.

This morning I was going to bring it with me to church, but I decided to bring my new Prayer Beads instead so I could get them blessed. And in that moment of deciding not to bring my rock with me, it became my discernment rock. I have decided that I will bring it with me to every meeting, gathering, service, grouping, etc I attend concerning my discernment. And then either on Good Friday or Holy Saturday before the service, I will take my discernment rock filled with all of my discernment worries, fears, hopes, prayers, concerns, and feelings and I will lay it down before the cross. I will in a way lay my discernment at Christ's feet. I pray He will bring it to God on my behalf.

But Rosaries Are Catholic...

I have always been curious about the history of the rosary (why are Catholics so attached to them? and why are Catholics the only ones who use them?) but it wasn't until I stumbled across a brief discussion on them in a book I'm reading-My Faith, My Life: A Teen's Guide to the Episcopal Church-that I really learned anything about them. Turns out there is a vast and diverse history behind the rosary, which is also referred to as Prayer Beads.

Prayer Beads can trace their history to Hinduism where they are called Mala and consist of 108 beads used to count prayers. From Hinduism the practice transferred over to Buddhism, where they have a variety of names depending on the culture but generally keep to the 108 beads used by Hindus. Naturally, the practice caught on in Islam, where they are called Misbaha and contain either 99 beads to be cycled through once or 33 beads to be cycled through thrice. Finally Prayer Beads found their way into Christianity.

In the Sixteenth Century, Pope Pius V pronounced that what we know as the Catholic Rosary is credited to Saint Dominic who also founded the Dominican Order. The Catholic Rosary consists of either 5 or 15 decades meaning the beads are grouped in tens with a bead in between each grouping. They are used by saying a Hail Mary Prayer for each of the ten beads and an Our Father prayer is said for each of the beads in between groupings while simultaneously meditating on one of the 20 mysteries. For further clarification check out Wikipedia.

In the mid-1980s Anglicans decided they wanted to join in on the fun. Thus Anglican Prayer Beads were born. They consist of 33 beads and are organized as follows: After the cross is a larger bead called the Invitatory Bead, which is followed by the first of four Cruciform Beads, which is followed by 7 Week Beads, another Cruciform Bead, 7 Week Beads, Cruciform Bead, 7 Week Beads, final Cruciform Bead, and the final 7 Week Beads. There is no right or wrong way to pray using Anglican Prayer Beads which allowed for them to be adopted by many other religious sects including Lutherans, Baptists, Methodists, and others.

After learning all of this I decided I wanted to try creating my own Anglican Rosary, something that would be uniquely mine that I could use for prayer in my own way. So I went to a bead store; then left the expensive bizarre bead store and went to Joann's. I found all of the materials I needed for $10! I went home and a little more than an hour later I had my own Anglican Rosary. I will keep you posted on whether or not it is beneficial to me or not, but in the mean time here is a photo.