Answers at Last

After months of struggling to understand what lies before me and never receiving a clear answer I woke up this morning a little before 8 am and made my way to Baltimore. Having sent in my application for the Younger Vocations Discernment (YVD) process just under a month ago, there was finally some light leaking into the end of my tunnel. I arrived at the Cathedral of the Incarnation just before 10 am. My destination? A meeting with the Bishop of Maryland and other potential YVD applicants. I was excited and terrified with no idea what to expect. There were seven of us in the conference room awaiting the Bishop's arrival in awkward silence. We numbered three girls and two boys (myself included) waiting with two women seemingly in charge of the process.

He strolled into the conference room and after greetings, led us in prayer. We went around the room and shared our experiences that led us to be sitting in that room. And as I sat listening to the stories, I begin to recognize a pattern of sorts. Disregarding minor details, everything that everyone in that room said sounded almost the same. We all started out looking for one thing and found ourselves being called somewhere else by God-to the Church. It was a revelation for me in a way. I have spent months listening to Priests telling their stories of hearing God's call and feeling a connection to what they were saying, but nothing every really struck me like hearing the experiences coming from my peers. It was a sort of validation that I'm not alone in this process and in these feelings and struggles.

After hearing from us the Bishop took over and talked about what it means to truly be called to Priesthood and leadership in the Church. He spoke about the Parishes of the Episcopal church being a frontline for growing the Episcopal Church as a whole. In addition he discussed the changes he foresees as necessary for Priests. He feels that we must continue moving towards Priests who are both Priests as their vocation and who have a steady job providing an income; much the way it is right now for Deacons.

Then he talked about the call. He said there is one call you hear but you should look at it in four ways.

1. The Baptismal or General Call
• This call is based on the Baptismal Covenant we recite at Baptisms and is found in the BCP.
• This is something that you can hear over and over but never truly hear until you realize that you are being called to action. Meaning that you come to recognize that through the Baptismal Covenant we are all called to some form of ministry in the Church just not all called to the Priesthood or Diaconate.
2. The Inner Call
• This call is the one that you hear calling you to a particular ministry such as Priesthood or Diaconate.
• This call is necessary but no sufficient enough for the person to just go to seminary and become a Priest or Deacon based solely on the Inner Calling.
3. The Providential Call
• This is where the gifts and talents come into play.
• Do you have the leadership skills to be a Priest or Deacon? Do you have the people skills, the administrative skills, the love of reading and writing, the ability to articulate yourself, etc?
4. The Ecclesiastical Call
• This final call is a form of validation.
• It comes from your peers, an established group such as a parish, and the Bishop.
• All those in support of you lifting you up to move forward and become a Priest or Deacon.

After he finished talking, he left us to learn about the process for which we are the guinea pigs. They want the process to be a discernment that allows for undergraduate students to move from their undergrad directly into seminary. Meaning that I could be going to seminary in the Fall of 2011. But first an explanation.

The way they want it to go is this. We begin by doing two things. First we get people from our parishes to send in letters of recommendation to start building our discernment files. These letters detail our leadership skills, involvement in the church, and give stories and examples to help paint a picture of who we are. Then working with a Rector or Chaplain-as applicable-we form a committee of 6-8 people who's job it is to help us discern if we are ready for seminary in the fall. Four of us will be doing exactly this. The one young lady is a junior at her university and will therefore probably spend more time discerning when she is ready to move forward.

Upon application and acceptance into a seminary, we will spend the first year discerning if we are moving in the right direction and then discerning if we wish to apply for postulancy. This is a big change from the current system-not that the previous information I gave isn't-in that just because we are going to seminary doesn't mean we have a guarantee. We must apply for postulancy and if we are accepted as postulants then we shift from the Master of Theology program to the Master of Divinity Program (if applicable-I say this because it is possible that some seminaries won't accept us into the Master of Divinity Program without us being postulants first but will allow us to enter as Master of Theology students and make the switch once we become postulants.

It is such a major overhaul of the current system, however it really does make sense. They encouraged us to start looking into seminaries, although must of us already had begun to do so. I myself have to find a way to visit the other seminary I am considering Virginia Theological Seminary. But as this post is long enough I will conclude by asking an interesting question the Bishop posed to us. Why are you a Christian?

Breakthrough

They say that patience is a virtue. It is one that I have certainly spent many years learning and practicing. Today I finally see the meaning behind the need for patience. Almost 10 months after hearing (and listening to) God's call for me to begin this journey, my patience has yielded fruit.

I received an e-mail this morning informing me that someone had given someone else my name as an interested applicant for the Younger Vocations Discernment Program. She said that if I was still interested all I had to do was fill out the attached application and mail it in.

In that moment of opening the application I could hear God saying to me "See. I told you it was really meant to be. I told you I hadn't left you hanging on a cliff you couldn't climb back up from. I told you your patience would be rewarded." As I read through the application I began to laugh. The sheer joy of finally seeing in words exactly what I was trying to find made me a little giddy!

And then I read the end of the application. It asks that you submit a sort of spiritual autobiography. "The first part should include some history of your spiritual journey-where you went to church, significant experiences of God either in church or out, and ways that you participated in the life of the community as you were learning about God. The second part should talk about where you are right now-where do you worship? What kind of studies/activities are you participating in that nurture your relationship with God? In the final part of the autobiography we would like to hear about where are you going.  This section is about articulating a call to next steps for you.  It isn’t about a complete outline of what you want to do, more about the way in which you feel God calling you to explore your vocation."

And as I read I began to cry. Here it was. My feelings vindicated. It was the last sentence that really spoke to me. It personified for me my entire experience and how I had come to begin this seemingly endless journey. "We often begin to experience a call to vocation when we notice how life giving or enjoyable certain activities are, or when we feel an ache for something more and can’t quite name it."

And on that note I will conclude this post. I have to compile my spiritual autobiography so I can continue moving forward on my journey with God.