My cousin got married yesterday. My grandfather-a retired Episcopal priest-officiated. It was a beautiful ceremony that evoked two feelings in me at the same time. First I hope that he will be able to do the same for me someday soon. Second, I want to be able to do the same for my children/grandchildren some day.
He told us a funny story over lunch the day before the wedding. “Marring two people,” he said, “is serious business and not for everyone.” He then launched into a story about someone he knows who became a judge and was really excited to be able to marry people. She performed her first marriage and the next time they talked she informed him that it was not for her. I believe she told him it was a job best left to priests.
The coming together of two people in holy matrimony-regardless of gender, sexual orientation, religion, race, or cultural beliefs-is a heavy commitment, not for the faint of heart. With the divorce rate rising and the blessed growth in countries and states marrying same sex couples, it leads one to wonder about the responsibility that the priest undertakes in bringing two people together forever before God.
I’d like to think that I could go out tomorrow and start marrying people if I had the credentials. But listening to my 81 year-old Grandfather talk about it and utilizing the intelligence that four-and-a-half years of college has given me, I know that I would be unprepared for the responsibility. I may not know much about the process other than what I’ve witnessed and I certainly know next to nothing about what is required on the clerical side, but I’ve surmised that the responsibilities on both sides of the coin are great.
Just as Jesus did not lightly turn water into wine at the wedding in Cana, I feel confident that priests don’t perform matrimonial ceremonies lightly. For starters I believe that the priest should have some familiarity of the couple, either because they attend church or because they attend counseling. How can you bring two people together before God that you don’t know? It is my understanding that just as the attendees are asked “Will all of you witnessing these promises do all in your power to uphold these two persons in their marriage?” so too does the officiate bear some support for the couple they bring together before God.
It is a support that no one else can provide, the support of a Priest towards a newlywed-or long time wed for that matter-couple. The Priest becomes the couple’s defining connection to each other through God (if that makes sense). It is the Priest’s responsibility to support the couple as they seek to grow together in God’s image, as they look to follow the path God has for them, as they seek to raise children faithfully, etc. That Priest becomes a constant reminder of the vows that they made to each other before God, when times are difficult and even when times are favorable. Forever after the ceremony has ended, that Priest remains a symbol of God and commitment for that couple. An intense responsibility don’t you think?
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