Internship Week of November 20th

I did a lot of thinking about what’s next for me this week. After learning that I can postpone my interviews for postulancy and all related aspects until next year, I began to pray in earnest about whether this is the right decision for me. I won't have to repeat DOV provided that I pay the DOV fee-which is very doable-and submit a letter to the COM in lieu of the postulancy application. I think this works better for me for several reasons. The first being that coming to this decision has given me a sense of calm, rightness, that this is what I need to do. I have been rather stressed over the financial issue, and it has consumed my energy and focus when I should have been able to focus on my experiences at St. John's. It also means I haven't prepared for applying to seminary in the spring the way that I would like to (taken GREs, looked at scholarships, etc.). It will allow for less pressure put on others, because I should be able to pay the remaining fee by next year. This means I don't have to place the burden on others who don't need that kind of burden at this time of year. I feel that the less debt I have going into seminary, the better. It also means we have over a year to find a permanent way to fill the void it seems I will leave at my home parish.

            I also want to spend the time discerning how to better articulate why I need to be ordained in order to perform my ministry for Christ. I feel I will be better prepared for postulancy interviews if I take this route. I want to focus my time on discerning ordained versus lay ministry, so that when I sit before the COM and the Bishop I can clearly express where I see God calling me and why. While I am not eager for the span of time I will spend seemingly "in limbo" I believe this is what God wants me to do right now. There is a lot of peace I get from this decision, which makes me believe it is the appropriate one.

Internship Week of November 13th

I attended a very enlightening Adult Education Class Monday night; where the discussion was based on “Einstein’s God” by Krista Tippett, and centered on religion versus science. Throughout history, religion and science have been at opposing ends of many debates. We spent over an hour discussing various themes from the book and the influences of society on religion and science over the years. Then before we left, the Rector gave us a task. She encouraged us all to find our favorite Bible Stories from childhood, reread them, and consider some or all of the following questions: What did the story say to the people who first heard it? Who’s missing? How would we tell it differently today? Why is it where it is in the Bible? What if…..?

            As a child I loved the story of Ruth; mostly because that’s my middle name, but also because hers is a story that we don’t hear often on Sunday mornings. I think that this story was one that many people could understand when they first heard it. It is rich in the traditions of Israel, and don’t sound farfetched in the way that some of the other stories do at times. It speaks to courage, loyalty, traditions, faith, love, kindness, support, honor, and the strength of family. It took all of those traits for Ruth to go with Naomi back to Bethlehem. I think that is the part of the story that would have been the most surprising at the time. She had no guaranteed future with her mother-in-law, no marriage prospects; she was going to a place where she was considered an outsider, why would she go? She went for love; she had made a family with her husband and mother-in-law, and rather then going back and starting over she chose to stay with her family. It was that love and family loyalty that God blessed with a child to Ruth and Boaz.

            This is a tough story to translate to modern times. Many of the traditions mentioned in the story, people are unfamiliar with. The values to be learned are easy enough to take away, despite the time period difference. Love and respect for your family is important, because they will remain loyal to you and support you in times of despair and struggle. Perhaps just simplifying the story would be enough to modernize it. Ruth stubbornly chooses to go with her mother-in-law to another country after her husband dies, there she unknowingly gets a job working for a close family relative, he takes her under his wing and ensures that she and her mother-in-law are taken care of, they fall in love and get married, she bares them a son. Perhaps still a little fantasized, but the story still retains the values important to it.

            We could also ask ourselves, what if Ruth had chosen not to go? What if Orpah had refused to return to her family as well? What if the next-of-kin hadn’t been willing to relinquish his claim? What if Ruth had gone to a different man’s field? There are so many points in this story where a different action could have totally altered the outcome. How often in our own lives have we chosen between two things, and then looked back years later and wondered what if? It shows us that God’s guidance in our lives is almost always something we can’t see without hindsight.

Internship Week of November 6th

           I had another meeting with the rector this week. She gave me some very positive feedback about preaching, and made some suggestions about what else I should consider doing before my internship is over. We talked about all the aspects of Parish Life at St. John’s that I had experienced thus far, and I gave her some feedback of my own. We ended up discussing two big things.

            The first was the struggles that St. John’s is having with youth involvement. The parish is growing, and this means that more families with children are attending Sunday services. The problem stems from a lack of Sunday School teachers, no one who is willing to work to build the youth group, and the fact that many of the older kids live at/attend services at the local Episcopal Boarding school. I started thinking about what I would do if I were the Youth Minister at St. John’s; and I shared my thoughts with the rector who agreed with me. I think a good place to start is with the younger children. They need to build a strong Sunday School program; recruiting more teachers, and dividing the children up into closer-aged groups. Then, I would focus on the Middle School aged children for forming a youth group. Their schedules tend to be a little lighter and I’ve seen more of them at church. I would work to build the group so that the younger children have something to look forward to, and so that as they get older they have more of a reason to stay involved. It certainly wouldn’t be something that happened overnight; and it might be years before more than 5 or 6 kids were involved regularly. However, I think that it’s something that St. John’s really needs in order to continue growing.

            The other big thing we discussed was my return to my home parish. I’ve heard some of what’s been happening while I’ve been gone, and it leaves me with mixed feelings. On the one hand I’m sad to be leaving St. John’s, but excited to go back to St. James’. I’ve enjoyed my time here, but I know that it’s time for me to go back to my home parish. On the other hand, I almost feel that my home parish doesn’t need me anymore. Someone else took over teaching Sunday School, the parents have been working to keep the youth group alive, life has carried on. It makes sense, I didn’t expect everything to just stop when I left, but it’s a weird experience; and I feel an important one for me to have. As a priest, I could find myself in a similar situation after leaving one parish to go to a new one. Recognizing, understanding, and handling this feeling are significant things to learn.

Internship Week of October 30th

I started a new job as a substitute teacher this week, and spent most of my time in Elementary Schools. I was with Kindergartners more than any other grade it seemed like, and I noticed something. While shy at first, they are happy to tell you all sorts of things about themselves with you, given the opportunity. It’s been a long time since I was around so much constant joy and excitement. It was refreshing as much as it was exhausting.

            I also saw the love of Christ in each of those small human beings. They are so simple; when happy they laugh, when sad they cry, and when they can they give lots of hugs and tell you “I love you.” How wonderfully amazing would the world be if everyone loved the way 5 year-olds do? They look at everyone they see and smile, without needing a reason or expecting anything in return. I had a kindergartner I didn’t know see me standing in the gym, walk up to me, and give me a hug; just because I smiled at her when she walked in. If that isn’t God’s love in the world around me, I don’t know what is.

            These kindergartners also expressed affection for one another. If one wasn’t feeling well, another spoke up and offered to take them to the nurse. If someone was sad, they tried to comfort him or her. They liked to hold hands walking in the hallways, and fought to be able to hold my hands too. There is so much love God has put into us, but I think we forget that it’s ok to share it with one another. We forget that we are all members of One Body in Christ Jesus, and that to love one another is to love Christ.