Internship Week of November 20th

I did a lot of thinking about what’s next for me this week. After learning that I can postpone my interviews for postulancy and all related aspects until next year, I began to pray in earnest about whether this is the right decision for me. I won't have to repeat DOV provided that I pay the DOV fee-which is very doable-and submit a letter to the COM in lieu of the postulancy application. I think this works better for me for several reasons. The first being that coming to this decision has given me a sense of calm, rightness, that this is what I need to do. I have been rather stressed over the financial issue, and it has consumed my energy and focus when I should have been able to focus on my experiences at St. John's. It also means I haven't prepared for applying to seminary in the spring the way that I would like to (taken GREs, looked at scholarships, etc.). It will allow for less pressure put on others, because I should be able to pay the remaining fee by next year. This means I don't have to place the burden on others who don't need that kind of burden at this time of year. I feel that the less debt I have going into seminary, the better. It also means we have over a year to find a permanent way to fill the void it seems I will leave at my home parish.

            I also want to spend the time discerning how to better articulate why I need to be ordained in order to perform my ministry for Christ. I feel I will be better prepared for postulancy interviews if I take this route. I want to focus my time on discerning ordained versus lay ministry, so that when I sit before the COM and the Bishop I can clearly express where I see God calling me and why. While I am not eager for the span of time I will spend seemingly "in limbo" I believe this is what God wants me to do right now. There is a lot of peace I get from this decision, which makes me believe it is the appropriate one.