Over a period of two years in high school I became very involved in the church on the diocesan, provincial, and national levels. It was a life changing experience for me, that truly helped me to see my faith clearly.
In January of 2004 I was elected to be the youth representative on the vestry at my church. I spent a year serving in that position and learning about how the church works. I was able to give my opinion on what I saw happening and how I thought it would effect the youth of our church. Then in the summer of 2004 I journeyed to Towson University (my most recent alma matter actually, funny how God works sometimes) for a four day adventure called Youth Caucus 2004. There I met the priest in charge of all diocesan youth programs and events. I had a blast and made some new friends. In December of 2004 that same priest called wondering if I would like to go to a gathering of people in Baltimore who were to be trained as peer ministers (see my previous post "History of My Faith Part 3" to learn more about that experience). I agreed with no knowledge of where that would take me.
I was trained to become a peer minister with 20 other youth my age. It was a weekend affair and we had a blast learning and hanging out together. And so I left the event with even more new friends, and a slew of new opportunities. In January of 2005 I was again contacted; this time he was requesting my presence as a peer minister for a retreat at the end of that month. I agreed and spent the weekend making more friends and expanding my understanding of faith. In February I traveled to New York City with 60 or so youth as a part of Nightwatch. We spent the night in the National Cathedral Church of St. John the Divine, wandered around NYC, and then spent another night in a smaller church in White Plains returning home on Sunday evening.
Two major events occurred in April of 2005. The first was I applied to be a Peer Minister at E.Y.E. (Episcopal Youth Event-a National Episcopal event held tri-annually for all the youth of high school age in the Episcopal Church). The second was my attendance at P.E.Y.E. (Provincial Episcopal Youth Event-a provincial event held tri-annually before E.Y.E. for all those who plan to attend E.Y.E.; it is a way for those going to E.Y.E. together to get to know each other before going basically) as a Peer Minister. The Province III event was held at Shenandoah University (beautiful place) over a weekend. We spent the weekend conversing about our faith and doing activities with one another to grow together as a family in Christ before E.Y.E. I left with even more friends from even different places and an amazing feeling that I had family all across Province III who would support me and pray for me.
In May of 2005 I went to the Diocese of Maryland Convention as a delegate. Just before I went I received a letter in the mail informing me that I had been chosen to be a Peer Minister at E.Y.E. in Kentucky. Convention was an amazing experience, because as we all sat in the room for the two days of convention I hear many opinions; and at times my heart was lifted as a youth would step up to the microphone and tell all the adults int eh room their opinion about something. The adults not only listened to what was said they were moved and motivated by what the youth had to say. By being a youth delegate for my region, I was also able to serve as a youth representative on my Regional Council. The regional council is a lot like a vestry, but the meetings were faster and focused on a wider range of things. They focused on the churches in my region, their needs-how to fulfill them-and how they could have an impact in the community and the world.
On the morning of July 23, 2005 I went to Washington Dulles Airport, boarded one of two planes that would eventually take me to Kentucky. After arriving in Kentucky I boarded a bus to Berea, where I joined about 60 other people for the start of Pre-E.Y.E. 2005. I met the peer ministers who became my family, the design team, and the music team. For the next three days we prepared for the arrival of the participants of E.Y.E. 2005. I spent nine days in Berea, and the people that I met there I am still in touch with to this day (almost 5 years later!), and I have friends spread out across the country. When you are given the opportunity to see 1500 screaming, dancing, young people and their sponsors all in the same room, celebrating Christ, you are forever changed as a person. It was astounding. The enthusiasm of all 50-something Bishops who participated (as well as the Presiding Bishop) as well as the sponsors for all the youth was extraordinary. E.Y.E. was an event I will continue to remember for the rest of my life.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Meeting to Move Forward
This afternoon I had a meeting with the Rector of St. James, to discuss St. James becoming my home parish and to discuss moving forward in the process. It was a successful meeting and I feel that I got a lot out of it.
We started with me telling her about how I came to this point in my life. Detailing all of the involvement I had over the years both at the church in Georgia where I grew up, and at the parish I was at before moving to St. James. I told her of all the little things that had sparked my interest in the process-my family connections to the church, my personal connections through my involvement, the family and friends who have encouraged me thus far and helped me to see that I am following the right path, and the conversations and arguments I've had with God over the last 5+ years about my future.
After all that had been established we talked about the process somewhat. We are both still unclear about the details, but we know for sure that I will have to be formally recommended for and apply to the discernment process in my diocese. I am working on getting all the details as soon as possible. She told me that I needed to know two things before I began. 1) that the process is a difficult one that can tear you down piece by piece leaving you to feel like there is nothing left to give even though you are being asked to give more and 2) the job opportunities are highly competitive and few and far between. Both of which are things that I have heard and been praying about for awhile. She also recommended that I read a book titled Listening Hearts by Suzanne Farnham as I move forward.
Our conversation drifted towards my future at St. James and we discussed what I could do to get involved quickly and put myself out there to get to know the congregation. Due to my significant involvement with the church during my youth, she is encouraging me to get involved with the youth at St. James. The are a small group but she sees a lot of potential. I would be working with another woman who has been teaching the youth for years, which is great. I also had already decided to become an L.E.M. and a Lector, which she said is definitely a good start. She also suggested I get involved in the Outreach programs, and perhaps even the group Smores. (Yes as in the tasty chocolatey marshmallowy campfire snack) It is a group that was started a few years ago after they completed their new building to help "rekindle the fire" and remind them why they built the building. The group works to invite the community into the church (in ways other than the nursery/preschool), does some dedicated outreach, and in general works to provide a way for the congregation to grow, impact their community, and impact each other.
She has invited me to the Vestry meeting on May 18th at 7pm to talk to them about who I am, why I'm here, and what I would like to bring to the church. This is a very important meeting as it introduces me to the parish vestry and they will need to know me in order to write a letter on my behalf to the Bishop.
In the meantime my goals are to nail down the specifics and logistics of the process, and to work at finding a spiritual mentor/leader/guide. And to continue to talk with God about what I'm feeling and where I'm heading.
We started with me telling her about how I came to this point in my life. Detailing all of the involvement I had over the years both at the church in Georgia where I grew up, and at the parish I was at before moving to St. James. I told her of all the little things that had sparked my interest in the process-my family connections to the church, my personal connections through my involvement, the family and friends who have encouraged me thus far and helped me to see that I am following the right path, and the conversations and arguments I've had with God over the last 5+ years about my future.
After all that had been established we talked about the process somewhat. We are both still unclear about the details, but we know for sure that I will have to be formally recommended for and apply to the discernment process in my diocese. I am working on getting all the details as soon as possible. She told me that I needed to know two things before I began. 1) that the process is a difficult one that can tear you down piece by piece leaving you to feel like there is nothing left to give even though you are being asked to give more and 2) the job opportunities are highly competitive and few and far between. Both of which are things that I have heard and been praying about for awhile. She also recommended that I read a book titled Listening Hearts by Suzanne Farnham as I move forward.
Our conversation drifted towards my future at St. James and we discussed what I could do to get involved quickly and put myself out there to get to know the congregation. Due to my significant involvement with the church during my youth, she is encouraging me to get involved with the youth at St. James. The are a small group but she sees a lot of potential. I would be working with another woman who has been teaching the youth for years, which is great. I also had already decided to become an L.E.M. and a Lector, which she said is definitely a good start. She also suggested I get involved in the Outreach programs, and perhaps even the group Smores. (Yes as in the tasty chocolatey marshmallowy campfire snack) It is a group that was started a few years ago after they completed their new building to help "rekindle the fire" and remind them why they built the building. The group works to invite the community into the church (in ways other than the nursery/preschool), does some dedicated outreach, and in general works to provide a way for the congregation to grow, impact their community, and impact each other.
She has invited me to the Vestry meeting on May 18th at 7pm to talk to them about who I am, why I'm here, and what I would like to bring to the church. This is a very important meeting as it introduces me to the parish vestry and they will need to know me in order to write a letter on my behalf to the Bishop.
In the meantime my goals are to nail down the specifics and logistics of the process, and to work at finding a spiritual mentor/leader/guide. And to continue to talk with God about what I'm feeling and where I'm heading.
Monday, April 26, 2010
History of My Faith Part 3
In all of my years of living on this planet, if I've learned one thing its to always be prepared. You never know what you'll come across during the day, when you first wake up in the morning; but all the same you have to be prepared.
We know through the Bible that Christ will come again. I interpret it a little differently than most. I believe that Christ will walk the Earth again, when the time is right, yes. In the mean time, I believe that He has "come again" many different times. He is inside each of us through the Holy Spirit. We aren't always consciously aware of it, but in many ways we know its there. Connecting us in more ways than we can imagine. The Holy Spirit is there to prepare us for that time when Christ walks this Earth again. Though, it also gives us inspiration and ways to spread God's word to all we meet along the path of life we travel every day of our existence on Earth.
As children, we're told that we should always share with the other kids. I think that still applies as we become older. We should always share all we have and all we know about God, with others. As a wise adult said to me once in Sunday School, "You may be the only Bible they will ever read." Wow. That's a lot of power to hold in our hands at any age or status. To think that talking about something you have a lot of faith in, could change a person's life entirely; its enough to make you pass out. But wait, there's help, if you know who to ask. God, the one who would never abandon us; but who will help us with all the tasks we face, if we ask Him. He will help us to say the right things; by opening our hearts to the Holy Spirit we become a vessel for God's word. At those times when we don't know just what to say, He can help.
When I was a senior in high school, I went to a peer ministry training workshop. I was there to become a Peer Minister for E.Y.E. (more on that experience another day, I promise). It was for a weekend, and it was meant to show us how to be better listeners and shoulders for leaning on. During one particular session we used a passage in the Bible about the blind beggar to help us with asking good questions. Myself and two other people were asked to represent the three major characters from the story. One became the blind beggar, one a townsperson who had rebuked the beggar, and I was asked to be Jesus Christ.
Portraying Christ in a play is one thing, but to be "interrogated" as Christ is very different. Its much like talking to someone who doesn't know about/believe in Him. You must be patient, calm, and understanding. They asked me many questions and though I feared I wouldn't know the "correct answer" or just plain how to answer, some how I managed to be perfectly calm. And the most amazing thing happened. I was answering their questions without thinking. I simply opened my mouth, and the words came out. It was almost as though I was channeling Christ. And who knows; perhaps He was simply speaking through me. Allowing for us to look at the story from many angles, really helped us to understand there are many different ways to view the world around us.
Some of you will read this and say "Who does she think she is? Nobody channels Christ! That's ridiculous." To those who say that you are forgetting one thing. Every single person who is ordained a priest is considered to be a representation of Christ for the Church. As a baker I look at flour, sugar, and other such ingredients, and see a final product. Yet unlike a cook, I look at meat and spices and that is all I see. We each envision something else when we look at things to be combines.
On Sunday mornings or whenever you go to church, when the priest/pastor holds up the communion most of us truly see Christ's flesh and blood. Granted there are those who don't see it like that, but hopefully with a little guidance from the rest of use they can if they wish. Every person has the ability to share their faith, and every time that they do, whether the person that they share it with believes or not, they are "channeling Christ". When you help a stranger to see a path; or when a priest/pastor who is unprepared, but stands before his congregation and gives a sermon everyone pays attention to. We all have the ability to seek and serve Christ, be it within ourselves or within others. After all, we are all God's children.
We know through the Bible that Christ will come again. I interpret it a little differently than most. I believe that Christ will walk the Earth again, when the time is right, yes. In the mean time, I believe that He has "come again" many different times. He is inside each of us through the Holy Spirit. We aren't always consciously aware of it, but in many ways we know its there. Connecting us in more ways than we can imagine. The Holy Spirit is there to prepare us for that time when Christ walks this Earth again. Though, it also gives us inspiration and ways to spread God's word to all we meet along the path of life we travel every day of our existence on Earth.
As children, we're told that we should always share with the other kids. I think that still applies as we become older. We should always share all we have and all we know about God, with others. As a wise adult said to me once in Sunday School, "You may be the only Bible they will ever read." Wow. That's a lot of power to hold in our hands at any age or status. To think that talking about something you have a lot of faith in, could change a person's life entirely; its enough to make you pass out. But wait, there's help, if you know who to ask. God, the one who would never abandon us; but who will help us with all the tasks we face, if we ask Him. He will help us to say the right things; by opening our hearts to the Holy Spirit we become a vessel for God's word. At those times when we don't know just what to say, He can help.
When I was a senior in high school, I went to a peer ministry training workshop. I was there to become a Peer Minister for E.Y.E. (more on that experience another day, I promise). It was for a weekend, and it was meant to show us how to be better listeners and shoulders for leaning on. During one particular session we used a passage in the Bible about the blind beggar to help us with asking good questions. Myself and two other people were asked to represent the three major characters from the story. One became the blind beggar, one a townsperson who had rebuked the beggar, and I was asked to be Jesus Christ.
Portraying Christ in a play is one thing, but to be "interrogated" as Christ is very different. Its much like talking to someone who doesn't know about/believe in Him. You must be patient, calm, and understanding. They asked me many questions and though I feared I wouldn't know the "correct answer" or just plain how to answer, some how I managed to be perfectly calm. And the most amazing thing happened. I was answering their questions without thinking. I simply opened my mouth, and the words came out. It was almost as though I was channeling Christ. And who knows; perhaps He was simply speaking through me. Allowing for us to look at the story from many angles, really helped us to understand there are many different ways to view the world around us.
Some of you will read this and say "Who does she think she is? Nobody channels Christ! That's ridiculous." To those who say that you are forgetting one thing. Every single person who is ordained a priest is considered to be a representation of Christ for the Church. As a baker I look at flour, sugar, and other such ingredients, and see a final product. Yet unlike a cook, I look at meat and spices and that is all I see. We each envision something else when we look at things to be combines.
On Sunday mornings or whenever you go to church, when the priest/pastor holds up the communion most of us truly see Christ's flesh and blood. Granted there are those who don't see it like that, but hopefully with a little guidance from the rest of use they can if they wish. Every person has the ability to share their faith, and every time that they do, whether the person that they share it with believes or not, they are "channeling Christ". When you help a stranger to see a path; or when a priest/pastor who is unprepared, but stands before his congregation and gives a sermon everyone pays attention to. We all have the ability to seek and serve Christ, be it within ourselves or within others. After all, we are all God's children.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Step One Along My Journey to Priesthood
Psalm 23 (King James Version):
The Lord is my shepherd;
I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures;
he leadeth me beside the still waters.
He restoreth my soul;
he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his Name's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil;
for thou are with me;
thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies;
thou annointes my head with oil;
my cup runneth over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life;
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.
Today I visited a new church I am considering for my home church. Its called St. James Episcopal Church, and it is one of the larger churches in my region. The reasons for my looking for a new home parish are long and complicated and too personal to list here. Suffice to say I was looking and I think I won't have to look any further than St. James.
This parish reminds me of the church I went to for 7 years from the age of 8 to 15; St. David's Episcopal Church. St. James recently relocated to a new building in order to accommodate their growing membership, and so while having been at their current location for 3 or so years they are still transitioning and growing. This is promising for me, because it means that I am hopefully not the only new face they will see. It also means there are a lot of opportunities for me to get involved.
The new building will eventually become the Parish Hall for them once they have the funds to build the new Nave. For now it houses a grand open space with high vaulted ceilings where the beams are exposed. As a newcomer to the church I found this space to be welcoming instead of intimidating. They have a couple of tables in the back of the room where they put out coffee and snacks [of course since really why else do Episcopalians go anywhere but to eat :)] and a small area off to the side with rocking chairs for mother's with babies. Everything seems to flow, you walk in and there is some division to the room but for the most part you basically are walking into the area where fellowship and worship are intertwined.
In the center of the worship space is a podium. On that podium sits a binder with seemingly blank pages. This is the binder where the members of the church (and as I learned visitors too) may go and write down names of people to pray for during the Prayers of the People. This level of involvement voluntarily from the congregation is inspiring to me. They also have a prayer that was written by the members of the Daughters of the King (chapter at that church) that is said before starting the prayers of the people.
"Prayer for our Church: Gracious God, please grant us the Spirit of Imagination to see with your eyes the possibilities and the means to get there; the Spirit of Generosity to share gifts worthy of your mission and ministry; the Spirit of Love to welcome Christ in friends and strangers. Amen."
This prayer speaks ten-fold of the acceptance this church has for all of God's children, and that gives me hope.
They have a wildly popular Nursery/Preschool that has a waiting list within the community. The Rector provides a chapel service for the kids and she says (yes she! the rector and deacon are both women!) that is why so much of the community is interested in the program. The parish also has their own t-shirts, they host an annual Parish Picnic, Crab Feast, Camp Out on Grounds, and many other activities.
The Deacon gave the sermon today, which as you can guess from above was about the Psalm of the Day, Psalm 23. A well known and quoted Psalm, Psalm 23 personifies the personal and intimate relationship we all have with God. When a group of 4 year-olds was asked if anyone could recite it a little girl raised her hand and said "The Lord is my Shepherd. That is all I need." The Deacon pointed out that there are many references to Christ as a Shepherd and to His followers as a flock of sheep. It happens to be a personal favorite of mine because of the simplicity and care it implies.
We all know that in Jesus' time shepherds were extremely common, and they lived in what we would consider today a very "green" way of life. They lived off the land, moving from place to place to find food for their herd. Often shepherds would come across one another and the herds would merge for a time to graze. At the end of the day when a shepherd called his flock they knew his voice and his call and answered him easily. Just as a shepherd knows his flock and the flock knows its shepherd, so to do Christ and God know each of us just as we know Them. God knows us all by name, not by number, and can call upon us thusly. The Deacon also pointed out that there are many things in this world that leave us hurt and scarred (depression, sickness, hateful words, etc.) but there is nothing that can harm us, because we have God and Christ as our shepherd to protect and guide us.
The Lord is my shepherd;
I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures;
he leadeth me beside the still waters.
He restoreth my soul;
he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his Name's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil;
for thou are with me;
thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies;
thou annointes my head with oil;
my cup runneth over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life;
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.
Today I visited a new church I am considering for my home church. Its called St. James Episcopal Church, and it is one of the larger churches in my region. The reasons for my looking for a new home parish are long and complicated and too personal to list here. Suffice to say I was looking and I think I won't have to look any further than St. James.
This parish reminds me of the church I went to for 7 years from the age of 8 to 15; St. David's Episcopal Church. St. James recently relocated to a new building in order to accommodate their growing membership, and so while having been at their current location for 3 or so years they are still transitioning and growing. This is promising for me, because it means that I am hopefully not the only new face they will see. It also means there are a lot of opportunities for me to get involved.
The new building will eventually become the Parish Hall for them once they have the funds to build the new Nave. For now it houses a grand open space with high vaulted ceilings where the beams are exposed. As a newcomer to the church I found this space to be welcoming instead of intimidating. They have a couple of tables in the back of the room where they put out coffee and snacks [of course since really why else do Episcopalians go anywhere but to eat :)] and a small area off to the side with rocking chairs for mother's with babies. Everything seems to flow, you walk in and there is some division to the room but for the most part you basically are walking into the area where fellowship and worship are intertwined.
In the center of the worship space is a podium. On that podium sits a binder with seemingly blank pages. This is the binder where the members of the church (and as I learned visitors too) may go and write down names of people to pray for during the Prayers of the People. This level of involvement voluntarily from the congregation is inspiring to me. They also have a prayer that was written by the members of the Daughters of the King (chapter at that church) that is said before starting the prayers of the people.
"Prayer for our Church: Gracious God, please grant us the Spirit of Imagination to see with your eyes the possibilities and the means to get there; the Spirit of Generosity to share gifts worthy of your mission and ministry; the Spirit of Love to welcome Christ in friends and strangers. Amen."
This prayer speaks ten-fold of the acceptance this church has for all of God's children, and that gives me hope.
They have a wildly popular Nursery/Preschool that has a waiting list within the community. The Rector provides a chapel service for the kids and she says (yes she! the rector and deacon are both women!) that is why so much of the community is interested in the program. The parish also has their own t-shirts, they host an annual Parish Picnic, Crab Feast, Camp Out on Grounds, and many other activities.
The Deacon gave the sermon today, which as you can guess from above was about the Psalm of the Day, Psalm 23. A well known and quoted Psalm, Psalm 23 personifies the personal and intimate relationship we all have with God. When a group of 4 year-olds was asked if anyone could recite it a little girl raised her hand and said "The Lord is my Shepherd. That is all I need." The Deacon pointed out that there are many references to Christ as a Shepherd and to His followers as a flock of sheep. It happens to be a personal favorite of mine because of the simplicity and care it implies.
We all know that in Jesus' time shepherds were extremely common, and they lived in what we would consider today a very "green" way of life. They lived off the land, moving from place to place to find food for their herd. Often shepherds would come across one another and the herds would merge for a time to graze. At the end of the day when a shepherd called his flock they knew his voice and his call and answered him easily. Just as a shepherd knows his flock and the flock knows its shepherd, so to do Christ and God know each of us just as we know Them. God knows us all by name, not by number, and can call upon us thusly. The Deacon also pointed out that there are many things in this world that leave us hurt and scarred (depression, sickness, hateful words, etc.) but there is nothing that can harm us, because we have God and Christ as our shepherd to protect and guide us.
Saturday, April 24, 2010
History of My Faith Part 2
Because of my deep involvement with the church when I was a teenager I visited a number of different churches within and outside of my diocese. I was there for many different reasons but often I was there as part of a lock-in or retreat and so I have spent many nights sleeping in various parts of various churches. One of my favorite things to do when in a church at night time (preferably "off-hours"when no one else is around) is to visit the Nave or Sanctuary of that particular church.
Some people would fear a church lit only by candle light or moon light. To them and those who've never had the privilege to see it i say, if you do have the chance it will take your breath away. It is the one thing that truly brings me to God's presence in His house. Flickering candles and moon light shadows make you feel like He is there, breathing and walking all around you. The wonder of the church truly begins to shine. The shadows on the cross give it a powerful importance. Like Christ is dancing in the candle light of His Father's house. He is happy to be with His Father, and wants for us not to be afraid; to rejoice with Him.
Only when we are safe, happy, and unafraid can God and His son be truly happy. We are all one in them and they in us; meaning they feel what we do, even if we don't feel what they do. We too can dance in our Father's house by candle or moon light. And when we do, He will know we are coming to Him to show just how much we love Him.
Love can be shown in many ways, some more effective than others. But there is one that I find works the best. Its the three simple words we often throw around like they mean basically nothing. I. Love. You. I believe that those three words make up one of the most powerful phrases in the entire English language. Together with time, those words can help to wipe away our tears filled with fear. They can give us hope and faith that someone will always love us, no matter what we may do.
So long as when we do something bad, we're able to recognize it; and repent, asking for God's forgiveness. He will give it if you only ask. No matter when (day or night), where (school, church, or at home), or even with whom (friends, family, or even strangers); He'll turn our world upside down, giving us new meanings for everything in our life that we encounter.
God will never give us a task too small or too large. Nor will He give us an unmanageable task. His guidance and love are ever present and helpful, even when we think it unnecessary. Showing us that he does appreciate all that we are and all that we become. He loves us all the more when we sin and come to Him; or when we wish to wipe away our tears of fear, and we come to Him. The promise of returning to Eden to be with Him, is an eternal promise. All we have to do is uphold our end of the covenant. Loving Him, repenting to Him, and asking Him for cleansing help along the way. Someday we will all be beside Him, so long as we keep to the covenant.
Its seems ridiculous to me that after all their efforts and time spent trying, that some people simply give up on God. They turn their backs believing that their way is the one and only best way. That those who help themselves, but don't hurt others, won't go to hell. Or that those who refuse to accept all of humanity as their brothers and sisters in Christ, regardless of race, ethnicity, gender, or sexual orientation believe they are living according to Christ's teachings. I don't know that they believe they'll go to Heaven, but they're certain they will get a reward and stay out of hell. Well, that's just childish and stupid behavior. In fact its not really even childish, because most children I know don't see the differences in others like adults do. Even if you don't think you're harming others, by helping only yourself you are doing just that. Those that need help or equality the most, aren't getting it, because you only help yourself. What would you do if you unknowingly turned down Jesus reborn? Its a big risk to take. Do you really want to be someone who takes that risk?
Some people would fear a church lit only by candle light or moon light. To them and those who've never had the privilege to see it i say, if you do have the chance it will take your breath away. It is the one thing that truly brings me to God's presence in His house. Flickering candles and moon light shadows make you feel like He is there, breathing and walking all around you. The wonder of the church truly begins to shine. The shadows on the cross give it a powerful importance. Like Christ is dancing in the candle light of His Father's house. He is happy to be with His Father, and wants for us not to be afraid; to rejoice with Him.
Only when we are safe, happy, and unafraid can God and His son be truly happy. We are all one in them and they in us; meaning they feel what we do, even if we don't feel what they do. We too can dance in our Father's house by candle or moon light. And when we do, He will know we are coming to Him to show just how much we love Him.
Love can be shown in many ways, some more effective than others. But there is one that I find works the best. Its the three simple words we often throw around like they mean basically nothing. I. Love. You. I believe that those three words make up one of the most powerful phrases in the entire English language. Together with time, those words can help to wipe away our tears filled with fear. They can give us hope and faith that someone will always love us, no matter what we may do.
So long as when we do something bad, we're able to recognize it; and repent, asking for God's forgiveness. He will give it if you only ask. No matter when (day or night), where (school, church, or at home), or even with whom (friends, family, or even strangers); He'll turn our world upside down, giving us new meanings for everything in our life that we encounter.
God will never give us a task too small or too large. Nor will He give us an unmanageable task. His guidance and love are ever present and helpful, even when we think it unnecessary. Showing us that he does appreciate all that we are and all that we become. He loves us all the more when we sin and come to Him; or when we wish to wipe away our tears of fear, and we come to Him. The promise of returning to Eden to be with Him, is an eternal promise. All we have to do is uphold our end of the covenant. Loving Him, repenting to Him, and asking Him for cleansing help along the way. Someday we will all be beside Him, so long as we keep to the covenant.
Its seems ridiculous to me that after all their efforts and time spent trying, that some people simply give up on God. They turn their backs believing that their way is the one and only best way. That those who help themselves, but don't hurt others, won't go to hell. Or that those who refuse to accept all of humanity as their brothers and sisters in Christ, regardless of race, ethnicity, gender, or sexual orientation believe they are living according to Christ's teachings. I don't know that they believe they'll go to Heaven, but they're certain they will get a reward and stay out of hell. Well, that's just childish and stupid behavior. In fact its not really even childish, because most children I know don't see the differences in others like adults do. Even if you don't think you're harming others, by helping only yourself you are doing just that. Those that need help or equality the most, aren't getting it, because you only help yourself. What would you do if you unknowingly turned down Jesus reborn? Its a big risk to take. Do you really want to be someone who takes that risk?
Friday, April 23, 2010
History of My Faith Part 1
First off, you should know that Good Friday and anything relating to Good Friday is bad for me. Bad in the sense that I take it as a very emotional and somewhat personal day; much as I take the Holocaust personally, even though I'm not Jewish just Polish. But I digress.
When I was 17, the Friday before Palm Sunday, I went to a lock-in at my church. We went around the nave and did the Stations of the Cross. I was in tears from beginning to end. We're talk big fat crocodile tears. Sometimes it was even hard for me to breathe. When we came to the station with the painting of Jesus being nailed to the cross, I had to sit down. It was interesting really, because when we started the stations I had volunteered to carry this small picture adorned cross. The entire journey I clung to that cross. After we completed the stations we split up and contemplated our thoughts and feelings. After 5 or so minutes I went up to the altar to pray with the priest who was there with us that night. I prayed about many things while I knelt there; but mostly I prayed for guidance. Guidance that I may accept Christ's crucifixion as a loving act and less as a forced one; to see Christ's love and prepare me for Easter. Thinking about it, in my many "crocodile tears" lay my fears. As I released those fears I turned to God, as we all should do, for help in wiping them away. Showing Him that I was capable of doing more than fear all that surrounded me.
We are all afraid of many things throughout our lives. As children we fear punishment from our parents; as teenagers we fear we won't be accepted by our peers and we fear falling in love with someone who will only break our hearts. As adults we fear losing or not getting a job, we fear losing our spouse forever, and we fear that our children will grow not to love but to hate. It is the culmination of these fears and our lack of faith in God that slowly pushes us away from God. Yet if we don't ask for help how can we overcome those fears? "Through God all things are made possible." Prayer and praise alone are often not enough. Sometimes it takes a little bit of repentance to make the dough rise.
"Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall not fear, for You are with me." A part of a well known Psalm that comes to mind. God is always with us. Though its hard sometimes to recognize and understand that, its very much the truth.
When I was 17, the Friday before Palm Sunday, I went to a lock-in at my church. We went around the nave and did the Stations of the Cross. I was in tears from beginning to end. We're talk big fat crocodile tears. Sometimes it was even hard for me to breathe. When we came to the station with the painting of Jesus being nailed to the cross, I had to sit down. It was interesting really, because when we started the stations I had volunteered to carry this small picture adorned cross. The entire journey I clung to that cross. After we completed the stations we split up and contemplated our thoughts and feelings. After 5 or so minutes I went up to the altar to pray with the priest who was there with us that night. I prayed about many things while I knelt there; but mostly I prayed for guidance. Guidance that I may accept Christ's crucifixion as a loving act and less as a forced one; to see Christ's love and prepare me for Easter. Thinking about it, in my many "crocodile tears" lay my fears. As I released those fears I turned to God, as we all should do, for help in wiping them away. Showing Him that I was capable of doing more than fear all that surrounded me.
We are all afraid of many things throughout our lives. As children we fear punishment from our parents; as teenagers we fear we won't be accepted by our peers and we fear falling in love with someone who will only break our hearts. As adults we fear losing or not getting a job, we fear losing our spouse forever, and we fear that our children will grow not to love but to hate. It is the culmination of these fears and our lack of faith in God that slowly pushes us away from God. Yet if we don't ask for help how can we overcome those fears? "Through God all things are made possible." Prayer and praise alone are often not enough. Sometimes it takes a little bit of repentance to make the dough rise.
"Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall not fear, for You are with me." A part of a well known Psalm that comes to mind. God is always with us. Though its hard sometimes to recognize and understand that, its very much the truth.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
The Beginning
I decided to start this blog in hopes that it will be a way for me to stay connected to myself and my beliefs at all times during the process I'm looking to start. I also hope that it will be a way to show others what it means to me to believe in God and what its like to answer a call from God to join the priesthood, particularly what its like for a woman.
First a little background on myself. The Episcopal ministry is in my blood. I first started going to an Episcopal Church in the fourth grade. I was confirmed at the age of 16 and I’ve spent a large portion of my life deeply involved in the church, always seeking new ways to get involved and make an impact. I knew that as soon as I started giving sermons in the church I was going to be asked about ordination, but I deflected all comments with a laugh and a comment about my love of baking.
Now that I am older and there aren’t the same opportunities for me to be involved in the church, I miss being involved and making an impact. I went to college and became an RA because there was a void in my life that was no longer being filled by my involvement with the church. In my last semester of college I wasn’t an RA and that drove me back to church at the Cathedral near campus, again looking for a way to fill that void.
Don’t get me wrong, I truly loving baking things and sharing the love I put into what I make with others; however, the more I spend thinking and praying about my future the less I understand it and the more time I spend thinking about the church and being more involved in the church. At the same time I wonder if I’m being called further into the church, then why did I go to Culinary & Business School? What have I been doing for the last four years? Was that a waste of time and money? What if I decide that I want to start pursuing this path in the Church but when I graduate I still end up feeling like this isn’t where I belong either? Is that a leap of faith I just have to take? Shouldn’t I feel more trusting of God’s plans for me if the Church is really what He has planned?
First a little background on myself. The Episcopal ministry is in my blood. I first started going to an Episcopal Church in the fourth grade. I was confirmed at the age of 16 and I’ve spent a large portion of my life deeply involved in the church, always seeking new ways to get involved and make an impact. I knew that as soon as I started giving sermons in the church I was going to be asked about ordination, but I deflected all comments with a laugh and a comment about my love of baking.
It has taken me more weeks of praying and conversations with a priest at the church I was attending to learn that the void I sensed was a calling I'd been ignoring. Now I must work to follow that call to priesthood.
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