Internship Week of December 4th

        Sunday was my last at my internship parish. It was a great day. The congregation said a prayer for me, led by the rector; they wished me well and said they would keep me in their prayers. It was a moment when I felt the Holy Spirit at work, and knew that I was where God wanted me to be at that occasion. They were having their annual St. Nicholas Fair after the service; which was a fantastic opportunity for me to have some fellowship with the parishioners I have spent the last 12 weeks with. They all wanted to know where I was going next, what I would be doing, and hoped that I would come back to visit. I was sad because I’ve grown fond of the people I’ve met there and the experiences I’ve had were amazing. At the same time, I feel that this is the right thing; that my time here is done at least for the foreseeable future. So I found myself wondering if I would be able to come back and visit. I would like very much so to visit, but I don’t yet know if that is the appropriate thing to do. I mean that in the sense that, I’m moving forward from my internship parish. It was never intended to be a permanent place for me, but rather a place for me to grow and learn. If I were a priest at my internship parish leaving to go to another position, would returning to my former parish be possible? Not realistically. I would be involved on Sunday mornings and during the week, and sometimes a clean break is what’s best for all persons involved. These are the things that I will continue to mull over during my transition back into my home parish. I’m excited to delve into things at my home church again, and to see what my experiences can bring to my home congregation.

Internship Week of November 27th

            I had my final meeting with the rector at my internship this week. We talked about how the I think the internship went, what I learned, and where I see myself at this point. It has been an unbelievably positive experience, and she has been an amazing mentor. She fully supports where I see myself right now, and thinks it is the right decision for me.

            

            We discussed what I see myself doing when I return from my home parish, and I mentioned that I would like to do some adult education type classes. Since my home parish is so small, there really isn’t the forum for adult Christian formation like there is at my internship. I’m not going to attempt a massive overhaul, but I would like to do some things. I would like to perhaps (rector willing and congregation interested) teach a weeknight Lenten Educational program in the spring, using the book “Have a Little Faith.” If that goes well I would like to do something for Advent next year and then another Lenten Program the following spring. I hope that if parishioners enjoy the programs, they will be interested in stepping up and leading a class themselves, and we will be able to grow the adult education program that way. I learned a lot about the different ways in which to engage an adult audience from the different kinds of adult programs I attended at my internship; I’m interested to see which ones will be the most successful at my home parish.

Internship Week of November 20th

I did a lot of thinking about what’s next for me this week. After learning that I can postpone my interviews for postulancy and all related aspects until next year, I began to pray in earnest about whether this is the right decision for me. I won't have to repeat DOV provided that I pay the DOV fee-which is very doable-and submit a letter to the COM in lieu of the postulancy application. I think this works better for me for several reasons. The first being that coming to this decision has given me a sense of calm, rightness, that this is what I need to do. I have been rather stressed over the financial issue, and it has consumed my energy and focus when I should have been able to focus on my experiences at St. John's. It also means I haven't prepared for applying to seminary in the spring the way that I would like to (taken GREs, looked at scholarships, etc.). It will allow for less pressure put on others, because I should be able to pay the remaining fee by next year. This means I don't have to place the burden on others who don't need that kind of burden at this time of year. I feel that the less debt I have going into seminary, the better. It also means we have over a year to find a permanent way to fill the void it seems I will leave at my home parish.

            I also want to spend the time discerning how to better articulate why I need to be ordained in order to perform my ministry for Christ. I feel I will be better prepared for postulancy interviews if I take this route. I want to focus my time on discerning ordained versus lay ministry, so that when I sit before the COM and the Bishop I can clearly express where I see God calling me and why. While I am not eager for the span of time I will spend seemingly "in limbo" I believe this is what God wants me to do right now. There is a lot of peace I get from this decision, which makes me believe it is the appropriate one.

Internship Week of November 13th

I attended a very enlightening Adult Education Class Monday night; where the discussion was based on “Einstein’s God” by Krista Tippett, and centered on religion versus science. Throughout history, religion and science have been at opposing ends of many debates. We spent over an hour discussing various themes from the book and the influences of society on religion and science over the years. Then before we left, the Rector gave us a task. She encouraged us all to find our favorite Bible Stories from childhood, reread them, and consider some or all of the following questions: What did the story say to the people who first heard it? Who’s missing? How would we tell it differently today? Why is it where it is in the Bible? What if…..?

            As a child I loved the story of Ruth; mostly because that’s my middle name, but also because hers is a story that we don’t hear often on Sunday mornings. I think that this story was one that many people could understand when they first heard it. It is rich in the traditions of Israel, and don’t sound farfetched in the way that some of the other stories do at times. It speaks to courage, loyalty, traditions, faith, love, kindness, support, honor, and the strength of family. It took all of those traits for Ruth to go with Naomi back to Bethlehem. I think that is the part of the story that would have been the most surprising at the time. She had no guaranteed future with her mother-in-law, no marriage prospects; she was going to a place where she was considered an outsider, why would she go? She went for love; she had made a family with her husband and mother-in-law, and rather then going back and starting over she chose to stay with her family. It was that love and family loyalty that God blessed with a child to Ruth and Boaz.

            This is a tough story to translate to modern times. Many of the traditions mentioned in the story, people are unfamiliar with. The values to be learned are easy enough to take away, despite the time period difference. Love and respect for your family is important, because they will remain loyal to you and support you in times of despair and struggle. Perhaps just simplifying the story would be enough to modernize it. Ruth stubbornly chooses to go with her mother-in-law to another country after her husband dies, there she unknowingly gets a job working for a close family relative, he takes her under his wing and ensures that she and her mother-in-law are taken care of, they fall in love and get married, she bares them a son. Perhaps still a little fantasized, but the story still retains the values important to it.

            We could also ask ourselves, what if Ruth had chosen not to go? What if Orpah had refused to return to her family as well? What if the next-of-kin hadn’t been willing to relinquish his claim? What if Ruth had gone to a different man’s field? There are so many points in this story where a different action could have totally altered the outcome. How often in our own lives have we chosen between two things, and then looked back years later and wondered what if? It shows us that God’s guidance in our lives is almost always something we can’t see without hindsight.

Internship Week of November 6th

           I had another meeting with the rector this week. She gave me some very positive feedback about preaching, and made some suggestions about what else I should consider doing before my internship is over. We talked about all the aspects of Parish Life at St. John’s that I had experienced thus far, and I gave her some feedback of my own. We ended up discussing two big things.

            The first was the struggles that St. John’s is having with youth involvement. The parish is growing, and this means that more families with children are attending Sunday services. The problem stems from a lack of Sunday School teachers, no one who is willing to work to build the youth group, and the fact that many of the older kids live at/attend services at the local Episcopal Boarding school. I started thinking about what I would do if I were the Youth Minister at St. John’s; and I shared my thoughts with the rector who agreed with me. I think a good place to start is with the younger children. They need to build a strong Sunday School program; recruiting more teachers, and dividing the children up into closer-aged groups. Then, I would focus on the Middle School aged children for forming a youth group. Their schedules tend to be a little lighter and I’ve seen more of them at church. I would work to build the group so that the younger children have something to look forward to, and so that as they get older they have more of a reason to stay involved. It certainly wouldn’t be something that happened overnight; and it might be years before more than 5 or 6 kids were involved regularly. However, I think that it’s something that St. John’s really needs in order to continue growing.

            The other big thing we discussed was my return to my home parish. I’ve heard some of what’s been happening while I’ve been gone, and it leaves me with mixed feelings. On the one hand I’m sad to be leaving St. John’s, but excited to go back to St. James’. I’ve enjoyed my time here, but I know that it’s time for me to go back to my home parish. On the other hand, I almost feel that my home parish doesn’t need me anymore. Someone else took over teaching Sunday School, the parents have been working to keep the youth group alive, life has carried on. It makes sense, I didn’t expect everything to just stop when I left, but it’s a weird experience; and I feel an important one for me to have. As a priest, I could find myself in a similar situation after leaving one parish to go to a new one. Recognizing, understanding, and handling this feeling are significant things to learn.

Internship Week of October 30th

I started a new job as a substitute teacher this week, and spent most of my time in Elementary Schools. I was with Kindergartners more than any other grade it seemed like, and I noticed something. While shy at first, they are happy to tell you all sorts of things about themselves with you, given the opportunity. It’s been a long time since I was around so much constant joy and excitement. It was refreshing as much as it was exhausting.

            I also saw the love of Christ in each of those small human beings. They are so simple; when happy they laugh, when sad they cry, and when they can they give lots of hugs and tell you “I love you.” How wonderfully amazing would the world be if everyone loved the way 5 year-olds do? They look at everyone they see and smile, without needing a reason or expecting anything in return. I had a kindergartner I didn’t know see me standing in the gym, walk up to me, and give me a hug; just because I smiled at her when she walked in. If that isn’t God’s love in the world around me, I don’t know what is.

            These kindergartners also expressed affection for one another. If one wasn’t feeling well, another spoke up and offered to take them to the nurse. If someone was sad, they tried to comfort him or her. They liked to hold hands walking in the hallways, and fought to be able to hold my hands too. There is so much love God has put into us, but I think we forget that it’s ok to share it with one another. We forget that we are all members of One Body in Christ Jesus, and that to love one another is to love Christ.

Sermon

I preached at both services this morning. I did pretty well, I was very nervous at the early service and went too fast. I felt I did better at the later service, though still a little too fast. I am posting it below, it is based on the Gospel of Matthew 23: 1-12.

This morning’s Gospel is a well-known, oft repeated story. We hear from a very young age “Do as I say, not as I do” which can be very confusing if you truly watch what others are saying and doing. Parents, teachers, and politicians love this phrase because it gives them a loophole, and as with much of life we are always looking for loopholes. We often take for granted the fact that others may look up to us as role models. As Christians it can be hard to live our lives according to the Gospel. There is a saying I heard “Preach the Gospel always, and if necessary use words.” What we do is almost always what people will remember about us.

We all know that one person, whether it is a coworker or friend or family member, who likes to tell others to do things, but never actually does anything themselves. They leave the work to others, often making excuses that seem barely believable; we may even be guilty of it ourselves at times. It certainly would have been easy for Jesus to perform a miracle or two and then step back and let someone else do all the “dirty work.” If that were all we needed from Christ, then walking on water and then turning water into wine would have sufficed. We know that to be false. We needed to hear what He had to say, we needed to see Him working with the poor and the outcasts, we needed Him to die on a cross to show us God’s saving grace.

I think that the scribes and the Pharisees were the religious celebrities of Jesus’ time. They were in positions of power and their behavior was not considered unusual. Don’t get me wrong I’m sure there were exceptions just as there are exceptions with celebrities today; but in general much of what they did was about seeing and being seen. Who gets the best seat at the banquets? In the synagogues? Who’s recognized when they go out in the marketplaces? What “good deeds” can they do that people will see and applaud?

We all like to be recognized for our accomplishments and the things we do for others. Praise is a slippery slope. Are we receiving the praise because we truly deserve it, or because it’s what’s expected? Do we do certain things because we know others will take notice and acknowledge our good works? Or do we do them because we feel that is what Christ is calling us to do with the talents God gave us? Are we seeking our five minutes of fame by going to Haiti to help the victims of a natural disaster, or are we going to seek and serve Christ in others?

Was Christ putting on a show for others when He went to Zacchaeus’ house for dinner? No, He was criticized and reprimanded, but He did it anyways. Jesus was rebellious in so many ways that we seem to have forgotten. He accepted water from a Samaritan woman at the well, He healed ten lepers though only one was grateful, and He was outraged when He found a temple filled with merchants selling their wares! And He didn’t worry about His reputation, when living His life according to God’s will. He offended others just as much as He healed them; but it was necessary.

It is important for us to hear that we are not God. God is God, and we are God’s children; that no matter how many times we try to play God with our own lives or with the lives of others, we will not succeed. All things happen because God’s Holy Spirit works within and through and among us. We can certainly plan for things to happen, as we are unlikely to wake up in the morning and say “I’m not doing anything today unless God says to me that I should do it.” I certainly don’t have God on speed-dial, I know some people think they do, but I don’t and so I can’t even begin to guess what God is saying I should do everyday.

At the same time, it is equally important for us to recognize that we are not perfect. We all make mistakes; we all do things to get attention rather than because we should do them for others. The important thing is knowing that when we ask, God will forgive us. Christ died for our sins. He made the ultimate sacrifice so that when we screw up, and we always do, we can seek God’s forgiveness. It is God’s opinion that matters in the end. When we die and the day arrives for God to pass judgment on us, can we tell the truth about our life? Can we admit our faults? Can we recognize our mistakes? If we cannot, are we prepared to face eternal damnation for our stubbornness and pride? These are the questions we should be asking ourselves, when we hear the phrase “Do as I say, not as I do.”